I am going to write about the change that happened in me since last year. It is probably one of the most significant one, so I feel like writing it down.
It was the late last year, that the change I describe as “open, light, free and fun” happened to me. There was an event that forced me to move towards that and it felt inevitable at that time. It felt like I was thrown into nothingness where I was supposed to become “new me”. I was scared of the unknown, and to live a completely new life at the same time. Looking back now, I feel this was such a blessing.
I talked about yoga, being in tune with yourself, your body etc..through this blog. It was a often beautiful, fulfilling place to be in, to care about my own health, food, be in tune with nature. However, the big realisation was that all that time, I lacked lightness and fun in life.
It was a liberation just to realise it, and to let myself experience whatever I had not experienced. Because, consciously or unconsciously, I had been living by “rules” that I made up myself, with all the “good & healthy” things from yogic or other principles. For a long time, I would do asana, breathing every day, with meditation. I spent a lot, lot, lot of time on my own, exploring my own world and cooking. It was a very quiet life. It was ok, and I was happy and contented, until this change came.
When I decided to change my life (or was forced into it), I was unable to do asana, breathing or meditation. I hated even the thought of doing the things I had regularly done for the last 5 or 6 years. I was allergic to yoga, and had an uneasy reaction in my body just thinking about it for a while. I associated yoga with “tight, rigid and strict” and moved to the other end. “Light, fun and laughter”.
The change was beautiful, free, and fun. Everything was flowing and effortless. If the old me was someone who was trying so hard to get somewhere, the new me was someone who was actually living in the place. It was liberating, and I started to open up to so many more “news”, mentally, physically and spiritually. It felt like a real opening.
It is good, to do things to feel healthy and good. But it is also good, or maybe even better, to be able to let go of everything – yourself, people, places, things, even the “good and healthy” things sometimes – if it makes you feel good! I am so grateful to the people, places and nature that has been part of this change.
This change was kind of natural, if I think about a little austere life I led for a long time. And I know that the integration and balance will soon come. Power in discipline, power in having fun and power in letting go.
Thanks for reading 🙂